Tuesday, 28 April 2009

don't get caught carrying a gun around school

Today was highly eventful to say the least. If you want a tip for the future, don't get caught carrying a gun around school.

This might be easier to do in script form...

Wade: Hey, Duffield, you know my art project is 'art in literature'? Well, i need some help taking some photos in order to re-create some of the drawings from the 'sin city' graphic novel. I'm trying to compile a photo board or something.

Me: Ok, i'm in. So you just need some shots of me carrying a gun or in a trenchcoat?

Wade: Yeah, basically. My dad let me borrow his plastic air pistol as a prop to use. Don't worry, its unarmed and stuff.

Me: Cool, see you later then.

(We go outside to the back of school (for a decent backdrop) to take pictures during our art lesson. Up until this point, the pistol has been stored in Miss Jago's cupboard in her knowledge, so nobody gets the wrong idea. The photos turn out fine, we make our way back to the art room.)


Mr. Owers, Headmaster: Has anyone seen Jamie Duffield?

Me: Thats me. What's going on? (Distinct sound of oo0oo, he's in trouble) Am i in trouble?

Owers: No, your fine, come with me for a minute.
(Exit art room)
Owers: But in all seriousness the police are here. One of the kitchen staff saw you out the window with a gun, so I had to call the police.

Me: Ohh.. yeah. theres a decent explanation for that.

Owers: I hope so. I mean, I'm sure there is.
(Enter Owers' office, greeted by stern policemen)

(An explanation ensues about the nature of the gun's use for art, and an identification on me by the kitchen staff who saw me. It comes down to the fact it is not my gun, and i go to fetch wade...

(Enter art room)
Me: Hey dude- the police are here about the gun... Someone saw us! typical..

Wade: Oh...

(Enter Ower's office)

Wade: Sorry, this is my fault, it was my dad's gun. (another explanation on why it is in school) It is still locked in the art teacher's cupboard though.

Owers: Right, i'll give them a buzz and tell them to send it down so we can have a look.

(Mrs James (head of art) appears with the gun)


(Exit (hasty) Mrs James)

All in all, the police examine the gun and decide we are not the types to have loaded guns in school. There was no ammunition and it is not classed as a lethal weapon. Silly to bring it in school though and cause the cops to miss their jam sandwiches. Owers was angry and amused and relieved, Mrs James wins the blame shifter prize, and the police went on their way.

Don't you think that wavelengths of lights that bounce off gun shaped objects always hit people's eyes when you don't want them to?

Monday, 27 April 2009

Pokemon of the Week


Paras is a mushroom pokemon. Its type is grass and bug, but it also knows a few poison moves, like most grass pokemon. this is not a very big pokemon, at only 0.3 metres weighing 5.4 kilos. So realistically its only the size of a large crab. The mushrooms on its back can release spores and also have healing capacity. I believe there is a collector on one of the games who pays you lots of money for finding paras mushrooms.

My Rating (Paras): 5

Yes thats right, this pokemon IS slightly better than Onix. Only because of its grass tpye though. A high level Paras could probably take down an Onix because of the type advantage for example leech seed. It evolves into Parasect at level 26, and gains a large attack bonus as a result.

My Rating (Parasect): 6

To be honest, its not the best grass pokemon out there, i've never bothered catching and training one... but nonetheless I personally would wait until i can get my hands on a victreebel if i needed a grass pokemon.

Overall comment: What the hell is this pokemon supposed to be? a lobster bug mushroom thing? Its alright, but not amazing

Friday, 24 April 2009

Pre-pokemon-of-the-week vote

Next week, i will be reviewing another pokemon. You got a choice. I no, i'm wonderful...

  1. Paras
  2. Kangaskhan
  3. Abra
  4. Raichu
  5. Snorlax
  6. Fearow
  7. Weezing
  8. Poliwag
  9. Gyarados
  10. Mankey


Please leave comments. If you don't vote, I'll choose one myself. Suit yourself. Parasites.

The Pros and Cons of eating ribs.

This has always been something that annoys me. Who was the first fagwa who said, hey, lets go eat pig intercostal muscle?

Point 1: How are you supposed to eat it?
Namely, the whole rib is covered in sauce. There is no instruction manual, and you just end up with messy hands. If the inventors intend you to eat it, why coat it with a viscous brown sauce, whilst not providing an adequate method of consumption?

I did hear my friend Elliot say: 'I lick the sauce off then eat the meat'.

Ok, but i believe the effort required to eat the rib is too much and outweighs the taste.

Point 2: Risks involved in eating said rib.
I have also noticed, that not only are they physically difficult and challenging to eat, there is a risk that needs to be pointed out. Think about it, you hold the rib horizontally, (unless your a queer) and it is covered in sauce. Here is a diagram of a catastrophe that put me off ribs for good.

Thats right, i dropped the rib and because it was covered in sauce, it left a long rolled print down my shirt.

Point 3: Mass to edibility ratio

Face it, there is always a tonne of bone, and practically no meat. I rest my case.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Battery Powered Gig Boom

a year ago, i didn't expect to have so many gigs lined up i am afraid of accidentally forgetting to turn up for one. Credit to wade, he has organised most of them thanks to his large connection base in the wonderful world of community work. Well done dude.

I on the other hand, my only claim to fame is organising our entry for a competition called NA: Unsigned. the top prize is playing at the NA: Unsigned concert in front of 15,000 people and talent scouts and managers and the like. We could also be supporting bands like the klaxons and the fratellis if we win.

I mean, considering there are 100 other bands entered, we stand only a slim chance... but as we have said before, 'Apparently were awesome'. So we'll see how this pans out. The first heat is going to be at Venue in Torquay at about 10:30 on the 30th. Be there, buy tickets from us first though for £2, and support us good!

Amongst that, we have
  1. A talent show at a church
  2. The opening of a flower show
  3. An acoustic beach concert
  4. An appearance at the 'Frock and Roll' concert in berry head hotel
  5. Brixham heritage festival on the harbour

For more details like dates, (and raisins) see the battery powered blog!


Tuesday, 21 April 2009


It seems there has been some confusion on behalf of the general public as to the meaning of the word Gloin. And yet, an apparent unwillingness to visit my blog and see for themselves. Gloin was confused with the ever-popular word, 'groin', and assumptions were made upon the base description.

So is Gloin something you say? Yes it is.
Is Gloin something that you say when you groin hurts? maybe.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Pokemon of the week

Starting from this week, I will be staging 'pokemon of the week' where i will review one pokemon for all you millions of fans out there each week.


Lets see... ONIX. Onix basically resembles a giant chain of gray boulders. The Pokémon has a magnet in its brain that serves as an internal compass. Onix's body becomes more rounded and smoother as it grows with age. A fully grown Onix measures at an enormous 28 feet 10 inches, or 8.8 metres. Onix can be caught in caves (excluding Mt. Moon, thats too small) and usually ranges from Lv 10-15 in Rock tunnel and up to Lv 45 in victory road. It is of the Rock/Ground type and weighs 463 pounds fully grown.

My Rating: 4

I was really looking forward to adding an Onix to my party, because you think, Wow, massive rock snake with awesome moves, looks cool. WRONG.

Don't be fooled into thinking this is a good pokemon. look at its base stat for defense: 160! That is immense compared to most pokemon. So an Onix can take one hell of a beating if necessary, which means beating other trainers with Onixes rewards a high boost in Exp.

However, considering its other base stats, its fairly meek.

Attack: 45 (crap)

HP: 35 (bitterly disappointing)

Sp. Atk: 30 (terrible)

Sp. Def: 45 (meh)

Speed: 70 (ok i guess)

Overall review:

Don't catch this. It looks cool, but thats it. This pokemon is essentially a 48 foot long poo that takes ages to defeat.

Back from the grave/ The Duffield arrangement.

Its good to be back. As you may have noticed, i have not posted since ages ago, because i have been using every opportunity to complete my chemistry coursework! you'll be glad to know that it is now finished at roughly 85 pages.

Wait, is it just me or is the 5 in subscript? or the 8 in superscript? hmmm. thats odd. look, see- 85... 85...

Does this happen with other numbers? lets take a look. 132456789. What the hell is going on with that! can anyone else see this? correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't all values and characters supposed to be on a level.

78. 34. 12. Oh wait, i think i see a pattern, all of these numbers - 1268 - are level, and all of these numbers - 34579 - are on a different one. I see no connection between higher numbers, or no form of obvious grouping... seeings as i am the first person to scientifically analyse this to any extent, i shall dub this phenomenon 'Duffield Arrangement'.