My first guitar song

I thought I would be cool and try and write a song for guitar. This is something I find challenging, because I have never done it before.

I wrote this random song for Phil Murphy. Hope you enjoy it!

"Jesus's birthday pre-lash"

This afternoon, I got woken up by Tom Woollacott at 3:30pm. (Thats right, I was still asleep). He was at my door shouting 'JD! You wanna come down for the epic lighting of the christmas pudding?' I could of course not refuse what would be my first actual meal of the day! I got dressed and went downstairs to find mark and tom had got brandy and a nice christmas pud on the go.

Some of us went into Ollie's room to pass the time while the pudding was being cooked. As I did this, I couldn't help but spot Tom sneak up to the fire alarm with a plastic bag... I said to Phil, 'Is Tom tampering with the smoke detector?!' to which Phil turned around to him and disapproved.
We explained to him that the 100 pound fine tied into tampering with the smoke detector is not worth a serving of hot christmas pudding!

In all seriousness though, he was concerned about any extraneous smoke generated from the pudding as it was lit. Me and Phil put another dampener on his theory however, when we pointed out it can't possibly make more smoke than some of our food has done in the past... to which he had to agree, thinking back to Haaziq's toast incident.

So we all sat down with the pudding, and were just about to light the pudding after dousing it with some brandy. Somebody said, 'merry christmas!' Then somebody else said 'Happy birthday Jesus!'. It was then that we realised the wierdness of the situation because it wasn't even christmas yet. As we were contemplating this, Philip Murphy came out with another one of his ever popular one-liners, hence the title of this post.

"We could think of this as Jesus's birthday pre-lash"

This was of course hilarious. So Tom lit the pudding, and God said it was good. Not that I am religious, but I'm sure that if he is real he would approve of the lighting of a tasty, scrumptious christmas pudding. Admittedly, it wasn't very spectacular. It didn't quite provide the billowing fireball as some of us may have expected. Not exactly... mayhem. But anyone who has seen burning alcohol before will know that it catches with a flickering blue flame that lasts around 10-15 seconds on a pudding. This was very hard to photograph, as not only does it not show up on the camera, the 'flickeryness' of the flame avoided each shoot. believe it or not, here is a photograph of the pudding, actually on fire!



We ate the pudding with a nice helping of single cream provided by Mark, and we had a semi-festive half-house gathering in the kitchen. This was also good. Pleasant chit-chat and casual mockery of certain individuals filled the room, as a christmas shot of brandy was drunk by all. Even non-alcoholic, Phil.





Above is a picture of Phil, before the shot. Below is a picture of Phil, after the shot! what a lightweight... Although its probably fair to mention that his position does not have anything to do with his inability to handle a drink, he was in fact just quite tired.



Merry pre-Christmas!

Bath Water?

When I first came to Bath for University, everything was fine and we were all settling in. However, I did have one annoyance. Usually at home I drink a lot of water throughout the day, wandering about with a bottle half the time. This is a useful habit, as it keeps me fresh and perky and helps to keep me awake when I'm trying to work. Unfortunately, the water here was alien to me.

As my Devonshire friends will know, the water in Devon is lovely. Very lacking in all the minearls which bring about hard water, its also clear, and refreshing. The water in devon is soft, and is brilliant for making a nice cup of tea. So you can imagine my horror when I first went downstairs to have a glass of water, only to find it is hard, 'mineraly' and a bit cloudy. It tasted like absolutely what I don't want from a glass of water. Zero refreshment, only a slight change in facial expression as it is drunk. (You know that kind of slight shudder and wince akin to a child sipping beer)

I then went to Games Workshop in bath to buy a few paints for some of my Warhammer. I got speaking to the manager about life back in Paignton and Torquay. You see, Alan worked in the Torquay store funnily enough, and has since moved to bath. He asked how I was finding it here compared to Paignton, to which I replied 'The water is shocking'.

He seemed surprised. Sipping at his mug of tea, he explained that he hates the water in Devon. Finds it tasteless and vile. He said the water here is lovely. I couldn't help but disagree and explained my predicament with the variation between soft and hard water. He chuckled, and nodded. 'Ah, It'll grow on you', he said.

I will now with a heavy heart say that he was in fact correct. When I first came back to Devon, I took Devon water back to bath with me because I couldn't stand the taste of it here. But now, I don't feel the need to do that. In fact, I had a shock when I found I slightly dislike the taste of Devon water now... I class myself as a convert. It is depressing, considering how much I used to love Devon water, but at least now I can refresh myself here in peace.

Oh, yeah my Uni Hood

Forgot to mention that I have this. I saw Karys did a post on her UCA top, and made a big deal about it, so I felt very left out sat around in my 'unannounced' Bath University top. I went for one of the limited edition ones (because I'm cool like that) 'Forest green, and red on the inside'. There were others, but some of the limited edition ones were even too loud for my standards (i.e. purple and yellow, turquoise and hot pink)



So here it is, me delightfully modelling it. Lovely. As far as practicality is concerned, I must say it is both comfortable, warm and soft. Rarely do you get aesthetically pleasing clothes that are also cosy. This is the definition of a win-win situation.

Can my room tidy itself?

The answer is yes. Yes it can, with the help of the new stop frame animation software ricky has shown me. I took on this task because this was the only night in the last 2 weeks where i have actually not had any work to do! win. So I thought i would be productive to make you this 30 second long, 405 frame, 4 hour slog-fest of a clip. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy a good slice of cheese.

Yet more pointless software

As many of you know, I have been through the animation stickman thing, and the photograph morphing thing too. Now, thanks to ricky, I have new software. His stop-animation broast video was epic. If are yet to see it, first of all, why? and secondly, here is the link.
Broast animation

He referred me to the website for the software, and i swiftly downloaded it and instantly began mucking around with it with ollie and phil. the resulting video is the result of us just sliding around.



Expect to see more, as this was only my test run!

KFC. Kompletely Full of Chicken.

Yesterday evening me and Ollie went into town to buy a birthday cake for one of our housemates, Haaziq Basir. On the way back, we began discussing what we may have for dinner. We both agreed that neither of us were particularly in the modd for cooking anything. It then dawned on us both that we have not eaten any fast food since the episode with the pizza, which was way back in Freshers week!

After a few seconds of discussion, we decided on the local KFC. The actual ordering part of the meal was uneventful, as one would expect. We just ordered a bucket of some kind between us and made our way. Oh, and someone smashed a jar of mayonaise as we left- but we were too hungry to bother gawping at their mishap.

The plan was, Phil would go to mass in town, and we would meet him back at home. But this never came to pass. Ollie and I spent forever waiting at the bus stop waiting for the correct bus. What was so painful is not that there were no buses, but all 8 of the buses that drove past were not the correct one! It was beginning to get beyond a joke.

My phone rang. It was Phil, fresh from mass. He was surprised to find out we were still at the bus stop, and said he would be with us in a few minutes. Ollie knew exactly what was going to happen, and so do you guys probably. No sooner had a put the phone down did an orange bus come around the corner. Statistically, this shouldn't happen, but it always seems to. anyway, we were like, Phil is gonna miss this, but to our happiness we spotted phil trotting around the corner.

We made it.

When we got home, we ate a lot of chicken. Even Haaziq, who generally doesn't make much conversation, pointed out it was a lot of chicken for 2 men. He was right. but we soldiered on.
Here is the chicken, before it was eaten.



Here is the chicken, after it was eaten.





Simple. Job done.

Polly want a Soundbite

Hey there, I would like to introduce you to Polly, my new Dictaphone. I’m sure Karys will once again approve of my naming of inanimate objects, but now it doesn’t feel right not doing it! It is called Polly because it can repeat things it has heard! For those of you with confused expressions on your faces, Polly is a standard name for a parrot. (I shouldn’t have to say this, but statistically, one of you probably won’t get it)

Anyway, she is very clever, because she is going to remember my lectures for me, and remind me of things I have forgotten in them. I must add that this is no excuse for falling asleep in lectures- I don’t want to hear snoring on the tape! She also has voice recognition dictation, so should I choose to, I could ask her to write what the lecturer is saying. She can play music, and alter the speed of any recording which could be fun. She will let me rest and learn, eat and revise, and listen to lectures I didn’t even attend if I’m ill! So it should be very useful!

Wish you were hair

As you can possibly tell by the title of this post, I have indeed had a haircut. Many of you may be thinking, ‘I thought you liked your current style’, and you are right. I definitely prefer the middle length hair to the shorter hair.

Gone from: Greasy grunge listener

To: Shiny-eyed respectable human being

I hear you ask, why change?

Well you see, in just over 2 weeks time I will be jetting my ass of to sunny Florida for Christmas. Now this suggests a problem with my hairstyle that I would rather avoid. I tan fairly easily, even on hot days in Paignton. When I go to Florida for a few weeks I tend to go a bit brown. However, looking at the photograph of my old hair, you can see that my entire forehead is obscured by thick purple and brown hair…

Therefore, given a length of time in the sun with little or no cloud cover, I will end up almost certainly with a brown face from the eyebrows down, coupled with a gleaming white forehead.

Hair grows back, but tan lines fade painfully.

I made this mistake (albeit not as seriously) as a child, when I went on holiday to Florida. I had short hair back then, but by my standards back then, it was fairly long compared to the current average. So when I got home, I had a haircut. Much to my 13 year old disappointment, I had a half inch line of white all the way around my hair line. This made my face look like a white kid wearing a brown mask.

So in this fragile stage of development at 18, I would rather not go through that again, especially because my hair was longer.

So there you are. A perfectly lovely anecdote about embarrassment and tanning. I’m glad I don’t have more.

God Damn Dougnut Holes

When I was talking to Sophie, the subject of doughnut holes came up. Don’t ask how, but it found its way in. Now, I’m not talking about the holes themselves, I’m talking about the dough balls covered in glazed icing that claim to be doughnut holes… you know the ones? You can buy them in supermarkets in plastic tubs containing usually about 15 or 20 of them.

I never batted an eyelid to these before. Well, I ate them, but never questioned their name. Let us start with the term ‘hole’ used in the name. This implies to me they are selling holes… which as we all know- are nothing. So, this means one of 3 things.

1. They are misleading customers, giving them false information.
2. Someone has invented a portable hole, finally. And yet its primary use is food?! No way man, I can think of many better places to put an instant hole.
3. Morrison’s have developed a way of making you pay for less than you came in with, subsequently making everyone die of internal bleeding after making their customers eat small holes.

Secondly, I don’t know if you knew, but the whole concept of these so called ‘doughnut holes’ is that they are the bits of a ring doughnut that don’t get used, so are sold separately. This is farcical!

This gives the impression to consumers that doughnuts are produced in the same way as polos, whereby a machine punches a hole through a thick disc to make the finished product. This is of course absurd. A doughnut is simply a roll of dough joined at both ends, then baked and iced. ‘Doughnut holes’ have nothing to do with doughnuts, and are simply balls of glazed dough made by idiots who either lack the skill or can’t be arsed to make a real doughnut. So essentially, Doughnut hole manufacturers are the baking equivalent of identity frauds. They should sort their lives out and learn to make a doughnut like real men do.

This kind of fraudulent, heretical behaviour would not be seen in a good bakery, oh no. You really think that master bakers waste any dough by gathering up non-existent holes that were made as a by-product of doughnuts? No! Why? Because they have dignity and respect, that’s why.

Once again, perhaps this is one of those posts where I have thought too deeply about something trivial. I’ll leave that for you to decide- am I mad … or right.

The Lord of Ruin has spawned near your base

Thats right guys, the moment you have all been waiting for. James Strutt has finally joined our community of bloggers. His first post is a brilliant tale of dismay and adventure, (I won't spoil the surprise) far surpassing my effort at a first blog.

Considering he is a regular reader of our blogs, I suggested he make his own. Fortunately for him, he did- he has even put the effort in to produce a witty story that made me ... 'giggle'.

As fellow bloggers, we should knit together our community, so I urge my current 12 followers to pass your patronage onto the Strutt. Just follow this link!

http://lordofruin300.blogspot.com

cheers. I'm sure he will feel both flattered, and... pressurised.

The Ultimate Broast Tutorial

What a way to start off a new month. What can I say, i worked hard on this because it is something that I'm passionate about. Enjoy. And for those of you who don't know, this should explain everything.



Also, congratulations to those of you who got the Brian Butterfield reference

Articulate gaffs

Let me first begin by saying Merry Christmas everyone, as it is the first of december! god knows the shops have assumed 'Christmas-mode' from about mid september onwards... I don't care if the date of this post still says the 30th of November, trust me- it is DEFINATELY 3:06 in the morning.

Anyway, this evening me and some of my housemates played a game of 'Articulate'. This is kind of like a more basic version of trivial pursuit, but there is verbal description similar to charades. The rules are, no saying the word your trying to describe, no ryhming, and no 'beginning letters' for hints.

It was fair to say it was a hilarious game, much more well known for the number of Cock-ups and gaffs made by some. The idea is there were 3 teams of 2, and one describes to his partner an object or word thats on a card. The other guesses, and hilarity ensues. As you can see, there are ample opportunities to make an arse of yourself by not getting something really obvious, or not explaining a really basic word correctly. Here is a list of memorable gaffs, faux pas, cock ups and howlers made by the players.

Phil Murphy:

1. Given the description, 'a parasite that feeds of your blood in the jungle in water', Phil did not instantly get LEECH, and preceded to say "I probably never would have got that one"
   

Joe Rye:

1. When explaining words to his team-mate Mark , he passed on the word 'artery' because he didn't know what it was. It turned out his thought process was 'Artery? where they keep art? ... i thought that was a gallery...'
2. It took him over 3 minutes to get CRANE from, 'a birds name that is also a construction machine'

Tom Woollacott: My god this could take a while....

1. When describing 'Paul McCartney' he said, don't know who this is, but they have like a scottish sounding name. When revealed, his team-mate phil promptly exploded in rage.
2. Tom could not name the lead actor from the great escape.
3. In the all-guessing round, The description was 'When you are angry you get a...', to which tom said 'throbbing temple?'... The answer was in fact TEMPER.
4. When asked to describe 'The gulf of Mexico' to phil, he started the sentence with, 'In mexico, there... S*** you cant say mexico...'
5. Tom thought Tiananmen Square was in Moscow..
6. Tom tried to describe the word 'Borstal' (as in confined training camp). He thought it was a person or a place name...
7. When prompted with 'Something, rack- a shop in the high street that sells neckwear' he failed to get Tie Rack. once again, much to phil's disappointment
   
8. There were more, I just don't remember